Friday, September 26, 2008

The Preliminaries

Before I start trying to figure out where I'm going, it will be helpful to tell where I have been. This was originally written on May 29, 2008. I've updated some things to bring it to this moment in time.
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Tuesday night, my rector and his wife (Jim and Catherine Flowers) held a small gathering at their house that was essentially open to the whole congregation but was particularly meant to welcome the newbies. Laura attended with me. Jim and Catherine live in a well-appointed house on Conti St. and the interior is beautiful. One walks around and can find something interesting in every room, such as two large 1.5 foot tall acorn statues framing the fireplace or a wooden chandelier. Then there is the backyard garden, well-manicured with hydrangea, pond, walkway, and fountain. There was also the hit of the night, an incongruous fixture to a backyard in Midtown: the functional chicken coop. Many a guest was heard saying excitedly, "Have you seen the chickens?" There was also much ado about their well-behaved Corgis. Laura and I found them extremely well-mannered and friendly while Laura was holding a plate of food.

Moving from conversation to conversation at the party one could notice a striking pattern; the Episcopal Church has a great number of people that have come from other denominations. Kathy was a Baptist (not Southern), Jim (not the rector) was Presbyterian, I was a Southern Baptist. Some talked of their old denominations and some of the reasons they left for the Episcopal Church. The overarching theme seemed to be openness.

I don't often talk about why I left the Baptist denomination. I had been pulling away from any kind of faith in God during high school, which seems to be a standard thing for most people now. What cemented the break was a conversation with my old preacher. I asked what the Bible had to say about interracial dating because I was considering asking someone out and I was looking for some sort of comfort from the flak I was taking at home. My parents were not absolutely against the concept but were telling me not to put on the strain or the particular set of problems that an interracial relationship can bring. I suppose was hoping that I could be offered some strength from the Word, but found condemnation. “Interracial dating is against the Bible,” I was told. I decided that what I was hearing was not the Bible, but the denomination's, or maybe just that preacher's, line. Still, that was it. I was done. I became a soft agnostic.


I believe you can learn a lot about a person from their bookshelf. When I want to really “meet” someone, I look at their books. It is a new habit for me, which I picked up after meeting Laura's grandparents. Their house is literally littered with books in every room. Books pour out of their shelves and onto end tables. I spotted Jim and Catherine's two massive bookshelves from across the house and immediately moved to it. Garrison Keillor, Virginia Woolf, Robert Frost, Greek Mythology, Norton Anthologies, Dostoevsky (Notes from Underground!), and other great literature were on shelf, which spoke to Jim's undergrad degree in (I think) English. There were not too many books on theology, those are in Jim's office at the church and possibly elsewhere in the house.


My Introduction to Ethics class was probably what pulled me back into Christianity, though non-denominationally. The professor was a minister who made some tapes and books of Ravi Zacharias available for his students. Ravi Zacharias is an Indian minister and lecturer married to a French-Canadian woman, which gave me a sign that I had been right about my old preacher's mindset affecting his theology. But what struck me more about Zacharias was his speaking. This was my introduction to apologetics, or the logical arguments for the existence of God. It was something better than “the Bible says so” and I listened and read all I could. More important than the debate points for and against God which are argued over endlessly and always seem to come back to faith and belief was the fact that there was a way to engage in faith that did not require turning off one's mind. Zacharias is rooted in the Christian orthodoxy and I generally agreed with him, but the way to investigating new brands of theology was opened. Laura told me once about being appalled and scared when visiting a Baptist Church in South Carolina. The preacher, during the alter call, literally said “Don't think! Just come!” That was the anathema to everything Laura had been taught by her family and the Episcopal Church and was quickly becoming my mindset too. We like to think too much.


Jeff, the church organist and organizer for Integrity, stood in the crowded kitchen with a glass of red wine and talking to a woman in her 50s as I passed by. She asked why he refused to play Wagner's wedding march. That line begged me to listen since he will be playing for my wedding. The wedding march is part of a play. He then started to explain the staging for the play. The march is not for when the characters are going down the aisle but instead on the way to the wedding chamber. Implicitly, there is a lot involved at that point: bridesmaids are pulling up the bride's dress, there must be penetration, there must be blood, there must be witnesses present. As a result, Jeff does not refuse to play the wedding march but he tells brides the staging when they ask for the song. Most decide not to have it played.


The first time I heard of the Episcopal Church I was driving to school in Georgia after visiting home. I had gotten into the habit of listening to NPR or just public radio when on the long trips because the talk was more stimulating than music. Gene Robinson was getting consecrated that day. It was a contentious issue as he is a openly gay partnered man. The NPR reporter started off the broadcast by saying "I'll hand it to the Episcopalians, they sure know how to throw a party!" I listened to the story thinking, "Huh, a gay bishop." I didn't really think about the Episcopal Church again until I went to a midnight Eucharist that laura was singing in. Her family had been attending All Saints' for at least three generations but this was the first time I remember talk of a specific denomination that she belonged to. That service hooked me. "Smells and bells" it's called; the incense and the bells are rung and the Episcopal church resembles the Roman Catholic church. The liturgy's formality, ritual, pipe organ, and hymns seemed to resonate with me. I started coming more often after that.

“Have you met Robert Berra? He is a budding theologian.” Jim Flowers said as he introduced me to two other people. Jim and many others are under the impression I might be going for a degree in Theology. Religious Studies has that reputation.
“Well, more of a social scientist with a deep theological leaning,” I said.


There are a few ways to learn about a denomination and my favorite is to look at their jokes about themselves. After the Christmas service and reception (with alcohol present, something unheard of at my old church), I went looking for episcopal humor.* I also started coming to All Saints' with Laura on Sundays and I was interested in where the church was in its beliefs. Sundays give a glimpse but it takes talking to the priests to see where the church is. The presence of Rev. Mary Robert (who is officiating our wedding) was a clue to the liberal theology in play. I started hearing the phrase “liberation theology” more often. All Saints' is committed to the idea of incarnation, of being the good in the world. In the Baptist Church I was told that Deeds did not get you into heaven, only faith. In the Episcopal Church, deeds are the outward expression of faith. After talking with Jim and Mary about some of the sticking points and rough spots of the entire Anglican communion, I decided to officially join the Church. Confirmation by the bishop came November 4th, on the celebration of All Saints' Day.


I have felt welcome there from the beginning, even though I'm typically shy about talking to people. Laura's grandparents introduce me to people frequently. Matt works at the same law firm my Mom does. Kathy was my supervisor while I student-taught at Murphy. While Mary will officiate the wedding, Jim offered to assist her saying that since it was me and Laura getting married it feels like family. Another part of the feeling of welcome that I get from All Saints' is that whenever I have wanted to talk about a theological matter, I have been able to go there and talk about it with either Jim or Mary (sometimes both). The best part is that I am not told what to believe; I am told where to look for answers. I leave meetings with names of authors and theologians and titles, not pronouncements. There is no pretension to absolute truth. Certainty is optional. “How boring would your life be if you knew everything?”


*Wherever you find three Episcopalians, you will find a fifth.

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So I was confirmed on November 4th, 2007 in Mobile, AL. It's a date that will stay with me forever (aided by the fact that it corresponds to All Saints' Day).


I got married at All Saints' on June 21st, 2008 to my wife, Laura. Within a month we were on the road to Arizona for me to start graduate school and for her to start teaching.
Before moving, I had started to look up churches in the area. We found St. Augustine's (St. A) first; I noticed that they were in charge of the Episcopal Campus Ministry at ASU and that seemed to be a good place to start. Laura and I now divide our time between St. Matthews in Chandler and St. Augustine's in Tempe on Sunday mornings while I go to various services held at St. A's on the weekdays. St. A's is a very welcoming community headed by Rev. Gil Stafford.


It used to be a joke that either myself or a friend of mine would join the priesthood. However, for about 6 months now, when I talk about it the conversation gets more serious. I've spoken to Laura about it. I've looked at the websites for the Episcopal seminaries. The most substantial step was telling Gil, Jim, and Mary. Gil talked to me on Wednesday about what the process for joining the priesthood looks like. Right now my goal is to become more involved in the parish, wait, and watch to see if I do indeed feel a calling. I'm going to use this space to try to coalesce my theology and my thoughts.