The Monastery

The experience at Holy Cross Monastery was lovely! The pictures I took can be seen on facebook.

It seemed to me most of the “events” I would write about were internal, and I’ll talk about them in a different post (it’ll be long—I connected with some deeper parts of my enneagram type in powerful ways).  Instead of writing a travelogue, I’d rather give a quick list of what I found meaningful.

·         The junior class shared themselves and their thoughts in some wonderful ways.

·         Relatedly, I got to know some awesome people in ways I never had before.  It was powerful to share many of our stories in informal settings.

·         Learning about Benedictine spirituality in a monastic setting does add to the experience.  The simplicity of the way of life makes for a great antithesis to the larger world. 

·         Antithesis is not too strong a word either.  If one sees the pervasiveness of power, sex, and greed as operative in the world (and I certainly do), the Benedictine call to stability, chastity, obedience, and conversion of life offer an antidote to many of the world’s ills.

·         Much to Laura’s relief, it is clear that I do not have a monastic vocation.  My vocation is to be a secular priest, but find ways to infuse a Benedictine spirituality into life outside of the monastery.

·         The brothers opened up and were truthful in ways that impressed me.  As a group they modeled health—not perfection and certainly not a facade—in ways that were honest and forthright.  And by their honesty, the brothers did not allow us to keep our idealized vision of “the holy monk.”  For that, I’m grateful.

·         I’m now convinced that Compline (prayers before bedtime) is my favorite office.  Particularly in the order’s breviary, the prayers hold an authenticity in its reminders of our human condition and dependence on God.  The liturgy also includes a striking confession of sin, remembrance of those absent, and a reminder of baptism in the form of asperges. 

·         Silence is both scary and glorious.  The monastery observes a “Great Silence” from 9pm-9am.  That doesn’t sound so bad since we sleep through part of it, but it is all the more striking when the first thing one hears in the morning is the peal of a bell and the chanted phrase “Lord, open our lips.”  In the meantime, you wait to hear the Spirit; She never ceases to speak.  

Oh yeah...I'm going back when I can.  Good thing it's only two hours away.

Johari Window results

To see the completed window, click here.

First of all, I want to thank everyone who participated in my window! 

Second, I’d like to explain why I ran this experiment again.  In the summer of 2007, I first created a Johari window to see what would come up.  The results from that window are here.  A week ago or so, I created the new window to see both what I would choose as traits that define me now and how my “presentation of self” has changed with the new friends I’ve made in the past few years.  (For the record, I did not consult the older window when I chose adjectives for the newer window.)  I’ve also recognized massive internal changes in myself, and I wondered if these changes that seem so tangible present themselves in my everyday life.

Sociology folks and anyone that has taken a “theory of knowledge” course may be familiar with the dramaturgical approach from Ervine Goffman’s “The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life.”
It’s most simple explanation runs something like this:

All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts…
- Shakespeare

We all put on an act in our everyday life, but that doesn’t mean we are all lying. Playing a truthful role in everyday life, which you yourself believe, is called a “sincere” role. The opposite is called a “cynical” role. I have tried hard to keep my “roles” sincere because the idea of manipulation and simply using people strikes me as repugnant.

We all set stages, using a front stage and back stage. If you have ever cleaned your house, had someone over, and claimed that “it’s a mess,” you have presented an image to someone by playing a role. If you have ever cleaned your living room for guests and thrown stuff all around back bedrooms, then panicked when your guest wanted a tour, you’ve experienced a crisis in your presentation of self.

I use the dramaturgical approach to look at my own individual interactions and to see how I present myself to others. There were not many surprises (though a few), and it quickly became clear that the roles and traits others present to me figured prominently in their choices of how to define “me.” Trends appeared within groups of individuals.

The psychological side is what I think focuses strictly on “me.” I assume that if more people claim to see a certain trait, then they are the traits I have most internalized and they cut across any discrepant roles I play. They are then my true “self” and my most reliable traits.

So, here is what I noticed. 

In both windows, “intelligent” is rated as my most dominant trait.  The reason for the difference/ discrepancy between the two ratings is that I consciously decided not to choose ‘intelligent’ in 2011.  I remembered choosing that one in 2007, but for a variety of reasons I did not want to own it this time around; I went with “knowledgeable” instead.  Some of those reasons include an attempt at humility and a sense that I have intellectually plateaued.  This does not necessarily deny intelligence, but I felt more comfortable with knowledgeable.—probably due to the meaning with which I load ‘intelligent’ instead of adhering to an objective definition.  Perhaps this means I need to own both ‘knowledgeable’ and ‘intelligent.’ 

Reflective is the second highest trait in the 2011 window—with over half choosing that trait.  I chose it for myself in 2007, but only one person noted it then.  I think this indicates that I am becoming openly reflective and sharing in a way I was not earlier in my life.  Still, it is interesting that I did not choose that trait in 2011…

So, the two most dominant traits in 2011 ended up in my blind spot, and I had chosen both for myself in 2007.  One was a conscious choice not to claim the trait; the other was a true blind spot.

Oh, and ‘religious’ showed up in 2011 with about half choosing that trait, as opposed to one person in 2007.  I was expecting this shift.  I found it interesting that ‘spiritual’ is not an option, and I wonder if that would have an effect on my own window.  In any case, ‘religion’ is a word that is loaded in a way that it was not in the 1950s.  Any test that wants to identify transcendent/ immanent spiritual experience or adherence to a faith cannot rely on solely on ‘religious’ to name it.

That’s all I’ve got to say for the moment...

…But, because I can take criticism and because the Johari window is only the warm and fuzzy stuff, I present you the link to my Nohari window.  It’s the same principle as the positive Johari window, only with the Johari window’s antonyms.  Feel free to criticize me either in name or anonymously!