Getting out of the way

As I was walking from lunch to the library, I felt pulled to the music coming from Marquand Chapel.  There was no scheduled service at that time, but the set-up looked as if the class on funerals was walking through a funeral service.  As I looked through the small windows to see what what going on, behind me a door opened and a rather lost-looking young woman walked in from the chilly, overcast day.  Today is 'admitted student day', when gaggles of students come to visit and discern if YDS is right for them.   

She rather nervously picked up a program from the 10:30  Marquand service and then looked as though she would sit down in the hall (and it was noon).  She seemed very uncomfortable.

I asked if she was visiting for admitted student day.  She replied that she was a freshman from Yale College, and that she was seeking somewhere quiet (from Yale College to Yale Divinity is a pretty long walk just to  find somewhere quiet).  She seemed to want to go into Marquand but because of the class going on (and because silence would be hard to come by), I suggested that she follow me down to the library, to Nouwen Chapel.

Marquand Chapel

Nouwen Chapel

On our way to the library, I struck up conversation.  She is considering religious studies as a major, but freshmen do not have to declare for a while.  She appreciates the friendliness of the divinity school students (we're pretty counter-cultural for the Ivy League's highly competitive messiness).  She doesn't know much about this "Christian thing,"  But she attends Compline at Christ Church, New Haven on Sunday nights.  She asked how long Christians have been praying Compline.  Centuries.

Nouwen is an out of the way chapel in the back of the basement in the library. It's often very quiet but for a hissing noise from heating system.  There is natural light from windows in the high domed ceiling, but it is still an appropriately dark space if it needs to be.  It's also a small and intimate setting, with seating for about twenty (and the potential to fit 10 more) as opposed to Marquand, which fits a few hundred. 

"Wow," she said as she walked in.

"Would you like more light?" I asked as I pointed to the lightswitch. No.  "Stay as long as you like, and if you would like someone to talk to, I'll be nearby." I then left to work on a paper, but took a workstation near the door to the chapel.

About thirty minutes later she emerged, looking thankful and somewhat relieved.  She seemed in a hurry, perhaps to get to a class downtown.  I told her that she is welcome to come back to either chapel anytime she needs them and that the community gathers for services at 10:30 am, Monday through Friday.  She thanked me and walked away.  Maybe the heaviness she walked in with was gone.  Maybe it was lightened.  It seems that something holy happened, and I do not get to know what it was.

So, part of me wonders what more I could have done.  But part of me is pretty sure that the answer is "nothing more today."  My presence--where I was, and when--was enough.  It is an exercise in humility to know that I may simply be a small stepping stone on the Way.  I don't save people.  I don't rescue people.  I merely set the conditions for others to meet the Holy.  God works on the heart in manners that are delicate or sharp, but always profound.  Not knowing when we need to step back can sometimes drown out the 'still, small voice' of God with earthly pontifications.  My task is to be present, and trust God to guide; but it also means that I have to know when to get out of the way of the Spirit.

Oddly enough, this reminds me of a line from the fine sermon I heard last night from a fellow seminarian, Kino Vitet:  "Jesus wasn't crucified so you could be a spiritual guru."

 Who then is Paul, and who is Apollos, but ministers through whom you believed, as the Lord gave to each one? I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the increase. So then neither he who plants is anything, nor he who waters, but God who gives the increase. Now he who plants and he who waters are one, and each one will receive his own reward according to his own labor.  For we are God’s fellow workers; you are God’s field, you are God’s building.  According to the grace of God which was given to me, as a wise master builder I have laid the foundation, and another builds on it. But let each one take heed how he builds on it.  For no other foundation can anyone lay than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ. (1 Corinthians 3:5-11, NKJV)

P.S.:  Now that this happened, and with the prospect of Clinical Pastoral Education this summer, ordering business cards is now on my to-do list.