On privilege

2002

I'm sitting in the office of the civilian campus recruiter of North Georgia College and State University. We are discussing my future: the army, my degree, the classes I'll have to take to get up to speed since a regular Alabama high school diploma just doesn't cut it. Then came the conversation that only white males get to have with other white males.

"Robert, in looking over your paperwork I am not sure you should simply get a degree in criminal justice. In this world, you have two marks against you when it comes to employment: you are white and you are male. This means that law enforcement agencies looking to hire you will pass you over immediately for a minority or a woman with the same degree. You need to try finance or something that will make you more valuable to an agency...something with analysis."

I now wonder what he told minorities and women he recruited.

Such was the reality of living in the South, and I an uncomfortable participant. White people are quick to say that affirmative action is unfair. Many white people in the South hold the conversation. They have an anecdote of some unqualified minority or woman gaining a promotion over a more qualified person. They believe there is some type of quota system (and there isn't). But when one listens to the conversation, facts emerge and go by without comment. I was essentially told that my privilege was lessening, so I would have to work harder. It is an implicit acknowledgment of a privilege that many are quick to claim does not exist. Also, the very fact we had the discussion shows that there is an unorganized conspiracy of trying to maintain power. White males are not given a card to carry, but many feel safe conversing in the above fashion.


2009

I'm sitting with my priest, discussing the future: possibly ordination, Laura's thoughts and feelings, how the process works. Then came the conversation thathonest white males should have more often.

"In getting ordained, you unfortunately have two things going for you. You are white and you are male. That means that a congregation may consider you to be a safer pick than someone who is out, or a woman, or a minority. You look like what people expect a priest to look like. It is lamentable in the church and we are getting better at this, but the fact is that the bishop will have an easier time placing you somewhere than he would with others."

As lamentable as it is that the Church is slow to fully welcome its members (I mean ordination and vestry, full participation in the life and work of God), the conversation is now getting closer-to-honest. We are acknowledging the problem, and we can now work on distributing the authority instead of conspiring to keep power in a gentrified, white, male hierarchy. It is a faint glimmer of hope that the church can positively act as a counter to a culture infatuated with power.

The Episcopal Church will be holding its General Convention this year. Of those going, there are

• more females (among the clergy an all-time high)
• more deputies of color
• more out lgbts.
  

But it is still a long way to go.

In which right-wing Christians manufacture a false crisis

In South Carolina, there is a row over a license plate. This license plate:

A judge has ordered an immediate end to production of this license plate. Now, conservative Christians in South Carolina are up in arms and actively damning the judge and the ACLU to hell.

Red-faced and angry, shaking his fist alongside his Bible, [Rev. Arnold] Hiette told the congregation [assembled at a Baptist church] that the four complainants - especially the Unitarian - and one judge who took away the people's right to witness via their vehicle tags "along with the ACLU, they're going to burn in hell."

Well, isn't that precious? Here is why I think this issue is complete and utter bullshit. The license tag was originally created by an act of the State Legislature, which brings up an issue with the separation of church and state. The creation of the license tag by the legislature was deemed improper. I think the judge's ruling was correct.

The good news for the folks that want this license tag is that they can go through the SC DMV and get it made with no problem; they just need to find an organization to sponsor the tag and find 300 people to pledge to buy the tag. If you're interested, here are the full guidelines. It took me about three minutes to find them via Google.

But that is not good enough, and it seems clear to me that the issue is not whether people can "witness via their car tags." Since I could find the guidelines from the SC DMV so quickly, I'm left wondering if everyone who wants the tag is profoundly ignorant of the bureaucracy or if they simply want a legal battle based on the principle that the government should officially make it, tag be damned. The news article makes it clear that they want to challenge the court injunction. In other words, they aren't looking to get the tag made, they want to fight so that the state will mandate the production of the tags. I wonder how many people could be fed and clothed with the money these Christians will waste on a court battle that needs not be fought since there is another way to get that damn car tag made.

And I'm troubled, but not surprised, that these Christians seem content to use their religious faith as a weapon in a culture war.

By the way, South Carolina does have an "In God We Trust" tag, so the anti-Christian argument is difficult to maintain.

Holiday Review 5- Introspection

Part of the unsettling experience of going home is the discrepancy between the me of six months ago and the me of now. It was greatest around my friends for what I think are issues of maturity and because I'm at a different state in my life. Bachelorhood has been left behind. More than that, I'm trying to incorporate the Rule of Benedict into my everyday life and it is sometimes dissonant with life as I live it.

You know those cartoons that show a devil and an angel on one's shoulders? I'm growing a St. Benedict and I try to view my life and actions through the Rule.

Over the break, I found myself angry at my inability to conquer my outward arrogance, an arrogance that those most close to me know to be a facade anyway a facade that covers some minor self-esteem issues. I'm too arrogant about my own knowledge of Christianity (still so incomplete) and I when I should remain silent until asked, I lecture. So, I'm working on tearing down a facade of unearned arrogance. I want to replace it with a humility that is both comfortable and accommodating to others. I've made progress, but part of going home seemed to unconsciously regaining the old habit of showing my ass.

That is not the only thing I need to work on. I talk a good game about the Christian duty to the poor, but I'm trying to deprogram myself of my accumulated sense of who is deserving of help and who is not. Today I was given an opportunity to see how far I still have to go.

Our service was over today and as I was locking up with Gil and waiting for a friend to finish choir practice, we met a man at the door of the church. Gil opened the door that he was blocking, trying to stay dry, out of the rain storm that has threatened all day. The bottom had fallen out of the clouds and the rain was coming down. Gil asked him if he needed help; he responded that he needed a new life. Gil invited him in and excused himself to collect something for the man (James, originally from Michigan, homeless, hoping for a temporary job bricklaying and registered with a local labor service).

I helped him roll up his large sleeping bag and as we were standing there the little Saint Benedict in my head started talking.

---You don't need your umbrella. You have a car and you've been considerably wetter for longer periods of time than an uncovered walk to the car will make you. Give it up.---

He asked if I had a few dollars and I said no. I had given all the cash I had at the offertory, but I told him GIl might be able to provide some. On cue Gil walks in with a bit of cash and a bag containing various easy-to-carry snacks and drinks. He asked Gil to pray with him; I silently joined from the background that I retreated to. Gil then offered to let him stay until the choir practice was over, warm and dry. He accepted and planted himself in the narthex to drink what had been provided. I stepped into the chapel close by; I thought I'd do the rosary while I waited for my friend to finish choir. St. Benedict returned.

---Why in God's name are you in here practicing some form of personal piety when you have a mission to that man! YOU HAVE SEVEN DOLLARS IN YOUR POCKET!!---

I did. I had kept it separate from what I was offering in church and honestly had forgotten that I had it. I rarely carry cash. I immediately walked out and gave it to James. I wish I could have done more. I frequently feel a sense of impotence in the face of many of the hard problems people have. At least in Mobile I knew some shelters but at the moment I know nothing about this area that I am in.

So I did a little, and I have a long way to go. It makes me mindful of how I have just started on a journey with neomonasticism and the distance I must go.

Holiday Review 4- Saying Goodbye

I have two great aunts. Both have been on this Earth for more than 90 years. Both are ready to leave. When they said goodbye to me over the break, it wasn’t the “see you next time” goodbye, it was the “see you on the other side” goodbye. It was very close to those exact words. We were at my parent’s house after lunch and doing the gift exchange.

One of them, the older of the two (Nellie), well, I hadn’t been prepared for how much she had deteriorated in my absence. She can no longer hold up her head when she is standing. It was at my parent’s house that she started saying her goodbyes, she in a recliner lying down and I at her side kneeling. There was nothing for me to say. Anything would seem trite. I did what I could and I’m not sure how to explain what I did. I held one her hands, kept my other on her head, kept eye contact and…exuded as much love as I could muster.

Watching my priests I’ve learned that there are times when words fail and that I should be comfortable with not having to resort to mere words. Mary hugged me before my wedding and I felt a strength and love that mere words failed to convey; Gil simply sat and listened as I talked of my Grandmother when he took me through the burial rite, and I felt a comfort and a closure that I would lack without presence. Presence is underrated and perhaps it should be more often distinguished from mere closeness.

We should have been walking out. We had two other households to visit that day but I couldn’t bring myself to go until I felt excused by her; I was with her for 15 minutes and it seemed to be just me and her in that house. At times everyone else was completely blocked out. My mother couldn’t hear anything that was going on between us, but she said my aunt looked more at peace than she had been in a long time. I left her with a blessing.

…And then there was the younger aunt (Mable), who was struck speechless (and she is not often speechless) by my incredibly simple gift.

What could I have said? “Keep fighting!”? No, that just shows my own selfishness. Part of my silence was to avoid saying “go with God.” They want to go home and they are both occupied with thinking about Heaven (whatever that actually is). Their own apparent eagerness to leave this world shows me how I should feel about their own passing when it happens: joy. I’ll be pained, certainly. But I can imagine their joy and I am strengthened.

Holiday Review 3- The Friends and Family

I need to give a disclaimer. I love my family and friends greatly. I don’t want to give the impression that there is some sort of great divide or sense of conflict. There is not. It is also certainly not the case that I get or return anything but unconditional love to my friends and family. Now that that is done…

I’m getting a growing sense of distance friends due to what I perceive to be a greater amount of maturity on my part. I’m a married man now, but even before then my friends were doing things that I would not join them in. I’ve never had any real desire to drink until the sun rises, and I am a man of quiet habits.

The most distressing event over the break in this respect was a night out with a few friends and my sister and her husband. We were going out, when a friend, whom I’ll call Ed, offered to drive. While I don’t have a squeaky clean driving record, his driving has scared me in the past. I offered to drive, to which he replied that his driving had improved. This was without me mentioning my dis-ease with his skills. I took his word for it only to be disappointed. I don’t remember him being so reckless. He was going 65 mph in a curvy 40 mph zone, passing without using a blinker and straddling the lane line. If it had been only me, I’d be slightly annoyed, but my wife was with me and I was quietly outraged. We were able to leave the festivities with my sister’s ride, avoiding riding with him again. I’ll not ride with him again.

Since I’m thinking about priesthood, I was often invited to give blessing at meals, including the big Christmas lunch. I did so, giving thanks for the food, friends and family, and a remembrance for those less fortunate. As soon as I was done with my direct 30-second-long blessing, a friend admonished me to keep it under five seconds. My Mom told him to not be flippant and I let it roll off since it was a joke; he wasn’t the only one in the room and others needed to hear it for a variety of reasons even if it inconvenienced him.

Maturity aside, another reason for a growing distance my family, friends and me is my immersion in a different denomination. I almost speak another language with the Episcopal Church. My Mom has asked if we have an “Episcopal Bible” and she has asked me about saints, particularly my patrons. I can’t really explain the intricacies of trying to be a monastic to her since the concept is pretty foreign in the Baptist denomination. It is a completely new vocabulary. Dad gets a little bit of it with his Catholic background.

My family joined us for the Sunday after Christmas. Yay, baptisms! It was a good service but I prepared myself for what I saw coming. I came home apprehensive about a possible theological showdown. Would I have to defend progressive Christianity? I didn’t really. But my sister did mention, at my asking, doubt in the sincerity of the Anglican style of worship. I expected this and I appreciate her honesty, though I dislike the implication that I am locked in a dead style of worship. I understand, though, that the formal liturgy does not work for some. What she didn’t know was that there were probably some in the congregation that were not totally pleased with the wording of the service. Jim and Mary were using a West Syrian Rite from the 4^th Century instead of the standard Eucharistic prayers from the Book of Common Prayer; they had the bishop’s approval. So, my sister (a Baptist) saw dead ritual where some long-time Episcopalians may have seen an aberration from the rubric. God speaks different languages.

The greatest surprise on the family/theology front was that the only thing my mom says that she did not agree with is actually in the Nicene Creed! The line is “I believe in the holy, catholic, and apostolic Church…” When she reads small-c catholic, she thinks Roman Catholic instead of “universal,” as the word is actually meant. She didn’t know what apostolic was.

But my family is supportive. My Mom doesn’t understand the language, but she wants me to order her a Book of Common Prayer (done) and she wants me to be sure I’m called by God. My sister is supportive in their way, humor.

“Would I have to call you ‘Father?’ Because I won’t!”

You won’t.

Holiday Review 2- The Clergy

Before I start what will either be an incredibly long post or a series of smaller posts about the break, I want to start with two meetings I had with priests in Tempe, AZ and Mobile, AL.

I met with Gil on the Tuesday before I left for Mobile. It was our first spiritual direction session and he asked what I wanted to get out of spiritual direction. At the moment I’m looking for more confidence in what Marcus Borg calls the “emerging paradigm” in Christianity. Knowing that I’d be in Mobile for the next few weeks, Gil suggested that I add nothing else to my disciplines, but to see simply see if I could maintain what I do. He also suggested a few exercises in concept mapping to solidify what I think about different aspects of Christianity. I have not done so yet; I had no peace to do so over the break. I will start this soon. Later that week he also loaned me a book by Susan Howatch called Glamorous Powers. The book is a fictional work about a priest (an ex-monk) in the Church of England. I immensely enjoyed reading it over the break.

He also suggested that I meet with Jim and Mary (not knowing I had already made an appointment) as a way of getting people who had known me longer than he in on the priesthood conversation.

I could not wait to meet with Jim and Mary when I arrived in Mobile. They had also made themselves available to me when I wanted to talk about Christianity or theology, assisted in my confirmation, and married me and Laura. Thus, they have played a major role in my spiritual formation.

I expected the meeting to a take an hour; it lasted for two. From the meeting I gained the following:

1. My sense of disconnect from the secularization of the world was affirmed.
2. Don’t be afraid of counseling if Laura and I need it when the time for hard decisions comes.
3. If possible, go to seminary for the full three years. Alternative ordination may get me ordained sooner, but they both sense that I’d better serve parishioners by living the rhythm of seminary. This seems based on Jim’s sense that we are kindred spirits in academic settings and will love the immersion in study and worship; I think he is right.
4. Take the affirmations of my calling seriously. Both Jim and Mary said that my sense of calling does not surprise them; they felt it had been coming since the weekend of my confirmation. So far, everyone whose spiritual life I trust has affirmed this call. Also, about fifteen minutes after Jim recommended taking affirmations seriously, Kathy (my student teaching mentor) stuck her head in the office, saw me, and asked “Are you going to seminary yet?” Jim looked at me and said, “That’s the affirmation I was talking about.”
5. Be aware of the increased sense of poignancy in everyday life (it took hearing this to realize that it has already been going on).
6. Vary the liturgy.
7. Build my library. I left with book recommendations. BTW, Laura’s grandfather is sending me a box of books on theology and exegesis.
8. Don’t fret that I wasn’t ready to respond to the call until now or that I didn’t see something that others apparently did.
9. God sometimes has an unscrupulous sense of humor and I’ll be thrown curveballs occasionally.
10. The work is hard, but very rewarding (kind of like teaching).

After two hours, I thanked them for their time. They saw me in the middle of preparations for the Christmas services, a very busy time from which to take two hours. Before I left the church I stepped into the chapel to do my Noonday prayers and left with a sense of peace. The meeting is still fairly foremost in my thoughts even now.

Unsettled- holiday review 1

I'm back in Mesa and I'm reflecting on the trip home over the holidays. There were no unpleasant experiences to mention but I spent quite a bit of time in an emotionally and spiritually unsettled state. No single event sent me into a slump; it was the totality of a few things.

One reason for the slump was a change in routine, actually, it was the lack of a routine. To compare:

My disciplines in Mesa

1. daily reading from the Rule of Benedict
2. two weekly Eucharists, sometimes three
3. the Daily Lectionary (sometimes playing catch-up if I miss a day)
4. Tuesday Noonday Prayers
5. Church/ Theology related reading
6. Rosary/meditation about 5 times a week

My Disciplines in Mobile

1. daily reading from the Rule of Benedict
2. one weekly Eucharist
3. the Daily Lectionary, but only half of the days
   
4. Tuesday Noonday Prayers
5. Church/ Theology related reading / one wonderful fiction
   
6. Rosary/ meditation once the entire trip
   

It was to be expected that the routine I have would be hard to keep. I apparently do a lot at the daily level. I had obligations and demands on my time from friends and family that took some of the time I would spend in my disciplines. I don't regret any moment with my loved ones though. The situation was what it was. I wasn't about to tell the people that loved that I required at least 30 minutes a day in solitude. I at least faithfully kept to the requirements of St. Brigid's Community.

Other reasons for my unsettled nature

1. My conversation with Jim and Mary
2. The growing gap between me and my friends at home
3. I was expecting a theological showdown that did not happen
4. I'm displeased with my own lack of humility
5. Being given a final goodbye by my great-aunts
6. My sister doubting the sincerity of the Anglican style of worship. I expected this and I appreciate her honesty, though I dislike the implication that I am locked in a dead style of worship.

The next few posts will deal with the above in detail.

I'm still alive, but I'm not heavily blogging until I return to Mesa, AZ from Mobile, AL. I'll leave you with some current topics of thought.

1. Trying to be a monastic in the world (neo-monastic aspirant)
2. Affirmations of a call
3. an awakening and pervasive sense of poignancy in everyday life
4. the act (art) of letting go of family
5. Presence as ministry
5. distance between my biological family and myself
6. Toward better communication with Laura about all of this
7. Meeting with priests
8. my own lack of humility

The Goth Eucharist

"Goths at Church?" Yes.



St. Edward King and Martyr Church is an Anglican in Cambridge, England which holds a biweekly service in the evenings for those who identify themselves as Goth.

"The service is candlelit with a specially written liturgy and uses a variety of modern rock and as well as classical music. The structure of the service revolves around the baptismal candle and reflects a serious engagement with the depressing and darker sides of our lives before moving towards a position of hope and happiness found in the empathy of the Lord Jesus Christ."

Here is a good article about the service and why it came to be; the article is under "Being Christian and being Goth."

The church found that of the ~35 people (and growing) that attend the service, more than half were confirmed in their teens and fell away from the church. Most say that they would not think of returning to Sunday morning services. One possible way to read this is that the church found a marketing gimmick. Recognizing that the service contains such a high number of confirmed Christians coming back, I interpret to mean the church is actively reconciling itself to those that were shunned in misunderstanding. The church recognizes them in terms of their chosen identity, which is a powerful statement.



I have no formal training in liturgy, but I was very impressed when I read their service; it is obviously different from a Sunday morning service but is still very similar. The liturgy was written by the priest in charge and I found it to be beautiful and thought-provoking.

For instance, here is the affirmation of faith that would normally be the Nicene Creed:

We believe in God above us,
Maker and Sustainer of life,
Of sun and moon,
Of water and earth.
Of male and female.
We believe in God beside us,
Jesus Christ, the word made flesh,
born of a woman’s womb,
servant of the poor.
He came to draw all humanity to himself,
The troubled, the terrified,
The doubtful and the disillusioned.
He was tortured and nailed to a tree.
A man of sorrows, he died forsaken.
He descended into the earth to the place of death.
On the third day he rose from the tomb.
He ascended into heaven to be forever with us.
And His Kingdom will come on earth.
We believe in God within us,
The Holy Spirit of Pentecostal fire,
The life-giving breath of the church,
the Spirit of Healing and Forgiveness
and the Source of the Resurrection and everlasting life. Amen.

Be present, O merciful God, and protect us through the silent hours of this
night, so that we who are wearied by the changes and chances of this fleeting
world, may repose upon thy eternal changelessness; through Jesus Christ our
Lord. Amen.

Beautiful.

If I were a priest, could I do this service? I don't know. My problem isn't the Gothic-ness, my problem is my own identity. Priests still have some flexibility in how they perform the liturgy, but it is sometimes obvious when a priest is not in his element or is not being himself. I think this particular service works because the priest who started it was in the culture. If I were to perform services like this, I could not "play the part" because I do not know it. If I tried to, I would do harm and be seen as a poser. If I fessed up to my middle-class white suburbian upbringing, I don't think I could effectively minister to congregants because I don't know them. I could learn it....

Still, I would love to see this done in more American parishes, especially if it serves as a reconciliation with groups that left the church because they were not welcome.

A Rule of Life

These were the requirements for joining St. Brigid's Community.

1) to be under regular spiritual direction
2) that under the guidance of your spiritual director you will be writing your own Rule of Life following the pattern of Benedictine Spirituality
3) you will either pray with us in person or on your own for morning prayers or evening prayers each Tuesday
4) you will join us in the daily practice of reading The Benedictine Rule with commentary by Joan Chittister and
5) you will join us or some other community for weekly Eucharist.

Today I am starting on Number 2, writing the rule of life. The five community requirements are of course included.

At the moment, I've added to pray the rosary daily, read the Daily Lectionary, and to be grateful and humble.

So Rick Warren has proved himself to be of the same ilk as Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell. How'd he do it? He called for the assassination of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad; Pat Robertson did the same thing in 2005 when he called for the assassination of Hugo Chavez.

Here is the youtube:


"God put government on earth to punish evildoers." Which government, Rick? By your interpretation Ayatollah Ali Khamenei and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad as heads of government have an ability to act as they see fit to destroy evildoers as well. Of course, Rick means the U.S.

From Matt Duss

In any case, if this were a conversation between an Iranian TV host and an ayatollah in which they discussed scriptural justifications for “taking out” high ranking members of the U.S. government, you’d probably see Sean Hannity running the clip on his show — while slowly shaking his head in pious disapproval — as evidence of what crazy extremists those Iranians are. As it is, they’ll probably be running this on Iranian TV as evidence of what crazy extremists those Americans are.

Then, and this is clever, they go back to the Old Testament in order to justify killing. Later, Rick Warren cites Romans 13 incorrectly just to throw in something from the New Testament. Jesus wasn't able to help them out here. Neither of them brought up the fact that both Christianity and Judaism have long histories of just war theorizing that have actually, you know, tried to limit warfare. Hannity, as a Catholic, should look at his own tradition. Then again, I don't think he'll find support much there, so he won't even mention them.

A new rosary

So, I've already written that I have an Anglican rosary. Another one came in the mail today. I had ordered it in early October, but due to issues with the provider it did not arrive until now. Here it is.

I have a new favorite Christmas song...

I do not like the fact that Christmas music has already started on the radio. I do not like the fact that every single pop and R&B artist has to come out with a new Christmas album every year. I prefer the English hymns and folk instrumentals of the same.

But I found a new favorite Christmas song and it comes "from a heathen and a pagan." I'll highlight my favorite lyrics and a video is below.
___________________________
The Rebel Jesus by Jackson Browne

All the streets are filled with laughter and light
And the music of the season
And the merchants' windows are all bright
With the faces of the children
And the families hurrying to their homes
While the sky darkens and freezes
Will be gathering around the hearths and tables
Giving thanks for God's graces
And the birth of the rebel Jesus

Well they call him by 'the Prince of Peace'
And they call him by 'the Savior'
And they pray to him upon the seas
And in every bold endeavor
And they fill his churches with their pride and gold
As their faith in him increases
But they've turned the nature that I worship in
From a temple to a robber's den
In the words of the rebel Jesus

Well we guard our world with locks and guns
And we guard our fine possessions
And once a year when Christmas comes
We give to our relations
And perhaps we give a little to the poor
If the generosity should seize us
But if any one of us should interfere
In the business of why there are poor
They get the same as the rebel Jesus

Now pardon me if I have seemed
To take the tone of judgment
For I've no wish to come between
This day and your enjoyment
In a life of hardship and of earthly toil
There's a need for anything that frees us
So I bid you pleasure
And I bid you cheer
From a heathen and a pagan
On the side of the rebel Jesus



It begs the question as to whether Christians really follow who we say we do and what we are actually remembering. It also reminds me that sometimes those on the outside of the faith get us better than we get ourselves. I'll point this song out next time I hear someone say that non-Christians have no morals...

So, my priest, Gil, had to go out of town to preside over a funeral and he left a friend of mine, Chad, to perform our service tonight. Gil suggested that I offer my assistance to Chad, and I did. He asked if I would take the sermon portion of the service and I agreed.

My quick (and first) sermon...the text the Matt. 25:31-46. You are getting a skeleton of text that I filled in as I spoke.
____________________________________

"Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O lord, My strength and redeemer." Psalm 19:14

My rector in Mobile was recently asked why he talks about the poor so much. Matthew 25 is the answer to the question.

This passage, with Jesus saying that favor is bestowed upon those who feed the hungry, give drink to the thirsty, welcome the stranger, clothe the naked, or visit the sick or imprisoned is our essential mandate.

More radically, this isn’t just a Christian or a Jewish mandate. The translation is “nations” in plural. Jesus is explicitly saying that this is not just the Jews he is talking about, but also the Gentiles…a Universal Church as opposed to simply the nation of Israel…

To take it a step further, a suggested better translation for "nations" is “all of the people of the world” which I think brings the focus from large groups to the individual. You, me, all of us. I think this is where the focus belongs.

And there is enough work for all of us. There is a website called Globalrichlist.com that tells you what your global standing in terms of wealth is. Laura and I live paycheck to paycheck but we are in the top 10% of the wealthiest people in the world. An annual income of $5,000 is still in the top 15%. There is so much to be done, and that has been left undone, that Jesus’ mandate seems daunting.

I was once in a meeting where some in a congregation were resistant to the idea of helping on a global scale. “Can we really make a difference” was the mood. In the face of such global and local poverty and injustice, it seems that fear turns churches and denominations inwards. I read schism and internal bickering, whatever the denomination, as saying that “we can have no effect outside of our walls, so we will only police within them.”

Fear paralyzes in a time when we are called do our work, our duty.

Some in the congregation in question went so far as to say that they earned their possessions, and so, is this type of thing really their responsibility (?). My answer is “absolutely, yes.”

Jesus’ phrase that “what you do for the least of these, you do to me” may be rhetorical but I see it as recognizing the inherent spark of the divine in everyone else. Especially if we believe that we exist in the image of God (Imago Dei).

I’m then personally left with the weight of the mandate. I’ve come to the realization that I can’t do everything I would like to do but I’m also left with the knowledge that these duties, to feed, to clothe, to visit, to provide, are nonnegotiable. There is always more I can do, and I welcome the guilt that comes with that because it forces me to be mindful of my never-finished duty (this is the appropriate word).

Last week we started brainstorming concrete ways to better the larger community, the people outside of our walls. I can’t wait to continue the conversation.

Reconnecting to a Catholic Root

I've talked about the fact that I was raised in a Southern Baptist congregation. What I haven't mentioned is what is even further back in my family history in regards to religion. My mother's side of my family, at least to my knowledge, is uniformly Baptist; my father's family, however, was mainly Roman Catholic. It is through my family connection to a more Catholic form of worship that I find continuity of faith and, frankly, an expression of faith that makes me more mindful of the Trinity.

When my Grandfather died in March and my aunt was dividing up his belongings, I received his rosary and wall crucifix. Here is a picture of his rosary.



When I received it I felt honored; I think it had once been mentioned that I should get it when he passed away and rosaries tend to mean a lot to people. I decided that since I now had one perhaps I should learn how to pray it.

I then started to wonder if the Episcopal/Anglican church uses rosaries, especially since the two Churches are so similar. It turns out that they do and I now have an Anglican rosary.



The structure is different from the traditional Catholic rosary. There is the cross and then 33 beads in all (four sets of 7 "week" beads, 4 cruciform beads, and an invitatory bead). A full explanation of the symbolism is here. I don't focus on Marian devotion so much (neither do all Catholics for that matter, there are other Catholic rosary forms). There are no set prayers with the Anglican rosary but rather suggestions that can be mix and matched. I'm changing my prayers to reflect the liturgical seasons though...tomorrow starts Advent. In any case, I find using a rosary to be helpful in ordering my prayers.

In my "Sex and Gender in American Religion" seminar, we have spent some time talking and reading about Catholic convents and the Protestant detestation of them. It was then that I remembered that there was a nun in my family. And so I went looking for Sister Caroline’s information because of my class readings and because I recently decided to join a local New Monastic community through a local Episcopal Church. She was a member of the Apostles of the Sacred Heart of Jesus in Hamden, Connecticut. She entered religious life in 1941 and died, still in the Order, in 1995. It's heartening to know that I'm treading a path that has already been traveled in my family.

So, heirlooms and history help me connect to a style of worship that feels more familiar and meaningful to me.

And recently I have been thinking about what Protestantism lost in the effort to separate itself from a Catholic style of worship. My reflections on this comes from my experience in the Baptist church I attended.

1) The liturgical calendar. In the Baptist Church, there was Christmas and Easter. We seemed focused on Jesus' birth and death but the rest was not as important.
2) the Lectionary. The pastors I grew up listening to, well, there never seemed to be a method to the madness. With the lectionary, there is a system of readings from the Bible and, in most cases, priests use sermons to elaborate on these readings. It is more holistic than the preacher who picks a verse or five and connects them without regard to context. The lectionary system also helps me remember the content of the sermon. I fankly do not remember much of what my old preacher said. I remember him (or another Baptist preacher) talk about sins of commisssion and ommission, that the Palestinians should read the Bible and realize the the land belongs to the Israelis, and that celebrating Halloween will send me to Hell. That's it; I don't remember much else.
3) Good works vs. Faith. Southern Baptists follow sola fide with a passion, to the point at which they said that Catholics would go to Hell because they only cared about works. I agree that faith is important (correct doctrine is fuzzier) but there must also be works. We are called to works (Matthew 25:31-46) and I think the focus on Jesus' death obscures that for the Baptists.
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Correction: Tomorrow is Christ the King; Next Sunday starts Advent.

The LDS came to visit today

I was outside on my porch reading materials for my Monday class and the newest Newsweek when two missionaries rolled up on their bicycles. I had been waiting for this moment, actually. Not in a I-can't-wait-to-challenge-them-or-ridicule-them sort of way, but I now live in an area where the LDS population is high so the encounter was statistically inevitable.

I could have challenged them about the marriage propositions in Arzona and California, and the money their denomination sunk into them, but I didn't. One of them saw the cover of my Newsweek and basically said, "Oh Obama won?" It was either making small talk or genuinely not knowing; I left politics alone either way.

I learned a trick when I was talking to military recruiters in 2002: they always inevitably asked if I knew what I would do after graduation and were mostly thrown off when I could rattle off a five-year plan. They are trained to jump on uncertainty, so I denied them that point of attack (and it also helped that I was able to say that I was going into ROTC and planning to commission). I assume missionaries of any faith are also trained to look for uncertainty or the people that seem more receptive. There are very good reasons for missionaries to go out by twos, such as safety, but it is also undeniable that if the two people approach one (me in this case), it is an uneven exchange and there is a power dynamic in play. I wasn't in the mood to be converted but I wanted some conversation. I was proactive.

"So where are you two from?" Olympia, WA and Cartersville, GA. "Cool, I lived in Dahlonega for a while! What ward or church are you attached to while you are here?" I can see its steeple from my porch and they are responsible for three, well, "beats."

"Look guys, I have an LDS King James Version and a Book of Mormon already and I'm a grad student in Religious Studies, but I'd like to hear your story." This deflates the build-up to the pitch. The Georgian gave his abbreviated conversion story, focusing on the marvelous feeling of purpose and direction that the Faith brings.

"I completely understand that feeling..." And I do; see my earlier posts. So I think at this point I had established us three as equal believers which gave us the ability to talk without the encumbrance of an underlying agenda for the talk (except now I was perhaps wasting their time). We chatted about my work on just war tradiation and they gave me some warfare verses from the BoM, which could be handy. I wonder how the LDS determined the propriety of certain wars? A few other things came up, LDS history and the like, but I stayed away from theology or "what the Bible actually says." Missionaries from all denominations know their texts (particularly the proof-texts) and I wouldn't dare go against someone who trained from an early age to do just this type of missionary work, especially since I rarely touched a Bible from '96-'06. I'm now reading the Daily Lectionary but I'm not memorizing verses.

That being said, I have to tip my hat to the LDS. If you take the average pew-sitter in many other denominations and a Mormon to a memorized verse contest, my money is on the Mormon. They typically have more scriptural knowledge than many other Christians. What I remain curious about is if they know the history of English transations of the Bible or the fact that we do not even have copies of the copies of the copies of the original Gospels. I have problems with the KJV as a result of these histories.

As we were finishing up and possibly to call my bluff, the guy from Washington wanted to clarify that I had the BoM. "Sure, hold on." I went inside and returned within a few seconds with both the LDS KJV and a stand-alone BoM. "Yeah, I keep it next to my standard KJV, Trinity Catholic Bible, New Oxford (RSV) Bible, BCP, Tanakh, Qur'an, and Tao Te Ching."

They very warmly invited me to join them on Sunday mornings and I thanked them for their time. It was a pleasant exchange all in all... much better than last night. There was a church group around 8 p.m. at an intersection yelling "the Word" into a bullhorn at the cars passing by. If those were my only two experiences with Christianity, guess which church I would think actually wanted me to join and was considerate of a sense of common humanity?

The churches that are willing to get personal with the community deserve the blessings they get...and even more so if they act out the Gospels regardless of the chances of gaining converts.

A conversation with myself

You are serious about a Christian commitment to nonviolence are ya?
I think so. The Gospel is pretty clear in its examples.
What are you going to do about the gun in your bedroom?
...What?
The 9mm Beretta you have in your bedroom. You remember? You lobbied your father for it since, what, 10th grade?
Oh yeah...8th grade.
Well, there's a problem. I am running up against to discrepant religious duties. While I have a commitment to nonviolence, I also have a duty to protect my wife. She is a pretty nonviolent person, but I said I'd do the job.
That leaves you in a tough position.
It does, so what are my options? If I were to ever be in a bad situation, do I fight long enough to let Laura run and then become nonviolent when she is safe? That is halfway in line with St. Augustine (of Hippo) before his formulations on just war.
Do you need the gun though?
I suppose not. I will get it back to Mobile at the first opportunity and give it to Dad. He certainly wouldn't want it sold since it was his service pistol.

<<>>

Okay, I need to call Mom and ask if Dad would think I'm giving up a heirloom.

<<>>

Dad'll take it back. He understands a gun technically isn't the tool of a priest since I'm serious about that option.

<<>>

Well, even with the discrepant roles of living a commitment to nonviolence and protection of those in your charge, you should choose to protect life and this may compromise your ideal.
I'll have to live with that option if it occurs; I can't say for sure what will happen. I'll ask absolution if I am ever presented with that choice.
Do you need the gun, though?
No, I don't feel that kind of fear anymore. I'll get it back to Mobile at my first opportunity.

All Saints' Day

Liturgically, today was the one year anniversary of my confirmation in the Episcopal Church. It is handy when anniversaries fall on easily remembered days, such as feast days. All Saints' Day is meant to celebrate those who have acheived the beatific vision, and appropriately the liturgy for today contains probably one of the most famous speeches of Jesus, the Beatitudes.

1Now when he saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him, 2and he began to teach them saying:
3"Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
5Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
6Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
7Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
8Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
9Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called sons of God.
10Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
11"Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.

One could do much worse for a mission in life than trying to live out these precepts. Since I was confirmed on this day, the verses leave that much more of an impression upon me.

My day of confirmation was interesting for a few reasons. First, my parents had not been to an Episcopal Church before. I had been attending the church for about nine months being nurished and caught up in the liturgy. The invitation had always been extended for my parents to come see what it was like. Barry had come with me once and started a "WTF!?" list, on which he wrote down questions about what was going on. But this was their first time to visit.

The day started with a meeting with the bishop for all that were being confirmed and their family as well as the children that were being baptized and their family; 10 confirmands and 2 babies for baptism in all. We went around the room doing introductions; the confirmands, if they were new to the church, were asked by the bishop what they remembered of their baptism and seemed interested that I had been baptized by full immersion. The question seems to me now to come from the trend that many come from other traditions into the Episcopal church. He was also impressing upon us the seriousness of the obligation we were undertaking. My mother was uncomfortable in the session, something that wasn't helped when the bishop asked who in the room had been baptized in a creek ("crik"). My mother was the only one. There was some discomfort at this point, my mother had put herself out there as being from a congregation that some Episcopalians looked down upon as "primitive." I've never heard this thought uttered and it wasn't said that day; the heirarchy in denominations is still alive and well in some people's minds though. The bishop was quick to validate her experience although I'm not certain that she remembers it that way. The lesson I took from the bishop was the ideal of the unity of the body of Christ through baptism.

What normally happens at confirmation is this: the confirmand is called forward by the bishop, who kneels before the bishop. He puts his hands on the confirmand and asks Gods blessing. At this point, people who the confirmand wants to "stand with" him or her come forward and put their hands on the confirmand as a sign of community. I had asked my parents to stand with me; my Dad agreed and my Mom demurred. So, when I felt more than two sets of hands on me (my eyes were closed) I almost lost it. The beauty of the liturgy and the meaning that some of the smallest thing convey had me on the verge of tears for most of the service.

November 4th, 2007 is a day I will not forget.

May God, who has given us, in the lives of God's saints, patterns of holy living and victorious dying, strengthen your faith and devotion, and enable you to bear witness to the truth against all adversity. Amen.

Abundant Fear

I mentioned earlier that fear was on my list of things that tend to occupy my thinking as I go about my daily activities. It was originally on my mind because of the financial meltdown we seem to be going through; today I was reminded of the fear that the Christian Right is experiencing with the prospect of an Obama presidency.

James Dobson and his "Focus on the Family (FoF)", terrified of what could be a center-left government, has given in to fear-mongering in order to influence Christians to vote for the Republican ticket. Apparently, and according to FoF, in four years the Democrats will be able to completely destroy this country from the inside out. Some Christians (including me) will be to blame. The link above says much that that I agree with, but I'll pull out a few things to reiterate.

FoF spends an inordinant amount of time talking about homosexuality and abortion. Granted it is their focus as an organization, but they are inordinantly important to the organization considered how little is in the Bible about either. Jesus talked about service to the poor constantly, over a thousand times. Homosexuality is mentioned in seven verses in the entire Bible, none of which is attributable to Jesus and the context is culturally specific to the Jewish people. Are not the FoF's priorities misguided in light of the Gospels?

I don't live with this type of fear anymore; Dobson can't control me like that. Matthew 25 is a good antithesis of the fear that Dobson peddles.