I just e-mailed Rev. Gil Stafford to tell him that I would like to submit to a discernment committee this coming Spring. I also just e-mailed Laura's grandparents and my rectors in Mobile to tell them something of the seriousness.
Two Tuesdays ago I talked with a friend here who had submitted himself to the process of discernment. At the end of his time with the committee, he had their recommendation but refused to follow though. He did not feel it was his time and the realization was hard on him. He was implicitly recommending that I submit myself to the process and that "If you are honest everything comes out; every selfish motive, every doubt, every thought that led you to this point..." These thoughts led me to think I would benefit from starting the process. The questions and thoughts relating to the idea of joining the priesthood are incessant and urgent. The process surely takes time but I'm ready to move forward in more concrete ways.
Writing to others and to myself forces me to make those concrete steps.
So why not start next week? Doubt, mostly...That I'm too young in the denomination, that I spent too long outside of church in my soft-agnostic stage to know what I should about the Bible, that I don't have a fully coherent worldview or theology...
Gil says he worries about people who go through "the hoops" quickly. The process needs to do its work. So I will wait for Spring and in the meantime I will throw myself into working on a Benedictine rule of life for how I will conduct myself in the world at large.
Oh yeah, the Benedictine rule... I've joined a group connected to the church I attend called St. Brigid's Community. It's a "new monastic" group.
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